It is all a joke
I am amused at how they
Always fucking lie
Friday, April 24, 2009
Saturday, February 02, 2008
This Week
I haven't had much to say over the past week.
Using words as a means to describe what's happening has not proven to be very effective for me this past week. I have had feelings of frustration crop up as I was attempting to write what was happening. This had me circling back into think-think-think-mode - which I see is counterproductive for me now, and also means for much self-forgiveness...so I avoided writing entirely.
I believe I will probably resume qi gong soon. I am currently designing my life to remove some of the 'work'-aspects and leaving more room for the extracurriculars that help me feel supported in life. Life here is a paradox. I have much to do in ways of survival/etc...but it doesn't make my heart sing. I've been assembling a means to integrate what makes my heart sing into what I "do" for work so that it is not work, but Love. My job as Co-President of my financial services company can be demanding. If I don't do things that need to be done then the business fails. Simple. Therefore, I've recently been setting my intention to work exclusively on projects which are good for Mother Earth which provide support to all.
Last weekend one of these projects found me. I can not speak of the project in detail due to a non-disclosure contract that was entered into between my entity and the principals, but I can say that it will be a quantum leap toward free energy for all...and a reversal of negative pollutants in our atmosphere. I will be able to disclose more in time...but the press may beat me to it.
My gut tells me this is what needs to happen first in sequence - in order to set into motion a plan I have been working on. This plan is going to ultimately balance inequities suffered by the people of this earth. I have had a plan for this since I was very small when I understood how the world really was...and I'm starting to remember these things, so it is my responsibility to put them into operation. The concept fills my heart in a way I haven't felt in some time...feels like everything is love inside and out when I go there.
Looking for a place to land now. I have feelings of staying roundabout where I am now, but seeking a place of higher elevation, maybe into the mountains...or perhaps south, way south...but not as close to the coasts as I previously anticipated. My local supporters wish to start preparation for a base. It's not all in place yet to do it, but the plans are forming...details forthcoming.
What I can say now is that I have been quarrelling with myself...attempting to reserve judgment for those who want Oneness but are unwilling to do something about it. I understand that we live in a facade. I understand that we must work each on their "selves" to become One with all...but I have been feeling loathsome toward the banal responses to creating and supporting Oneness floating around and conversing with me. If we all sit on our asses and do not pull it together how do we propose it will really happen? - And let's be serious about this, please. Oneness is to band together and be One together in this. And there is a place for all the talk, yes...but there is also a place for us to do something cohesively, together, so that it can come to being for all. (Not just those of Us who wish to talk about it endlessly. Afterall, is that not the point??)
I can not listen to the sniveling anymore because that is not constructive to ushering waves of Love and Oneness. I have done my forgiveness lists around this repeatedly this week...My attitude from the week prior seems to have shifted considerably. I will now set my intention for more people who want to actually do something to manifest into my life...or to at least step up to the plate.
Using words as a means to describe what's happening has not proven to be very effective for me this past week. I have had feelings of frustration crop up as I was attempting to write what was happening. This had me circling back into think-think-think-mode - which I see is counterproductive for me now, and also means for much self-forgiveness...so I avoided writing entirely.
I believe I will probably resume qi gong soon. I am currently designing my life to remove some of the 'work'-aspects and leaving more room for the extracurriculars that help me feel supported in life. Life here is a paradox. I have much to do in ways of survival/etc...but it doesn't make my heart sing. I've been assembling a means to integrate what makes my heart sing into what I "do" for work so that it is not work, but Love. My job as Co-President of my financial services company can be demanding. If I don't do things that need to be done then the business fails. Simple. Therefore, I've recently been setting my intention to work exclusively on projects which are good for Mother Earth which provide support to all.
Last weekend one of these projects found me. I can not speak of the project in detail due to a non-disclosure contract that was entered into between my entity and the principals, but I can say that it will be a quantum leap toward free energy for all...and a reversal of negative pollutants in our atmosphere. I will be able to disclose more in time...but the press may beat me to it.
My gut tells me this is what needs to happen first in sequence - in order to set into motion a plan I have been working on. This plan is going to ultimately balance inequities suffered by the people of this earth. I have had a plan for this since I was very small when I understood how the world really was...and I'm starting to remember these things, so it is my responsibility to put them into operation. The concept fills my heart in a way I haven't felt in some time...feels like everything is love inside and out when I go there.
Looking for a place to land now. I have feelings of staying roundabout where I am now, but seeking a place of higher elevation, maybe into the mountains...or perhaps south, way south...but not as close to the coasts as I previously anticipated. My local supporters wish to start preparation for a base. It's not all in place yet to do it, but the plans are forming...details forthcoming.
What I can say now is that I have been quarrelling with myself...attempting to reserve judgment for those who want Oneness but are unwilling to do something about it. I understand that we live in a facade. I understand that we must work each on their "selves" to become One with all...but I have been feeling loathsome toward the banal responses to creating and supporting Oneness floating around and conversing with me. If we all sit on our asses and do not pull it together how do we propose it will really happen? - And let's be serious about this, please. Oneness is to band together and be One together in this. And there is a place for all the talk, yes...but there is also a place for us to do something cohesively, together, so that it can come to being for all. (Not just those of Us who wish to talk about it endlessly. Afterall, is that not the point??)
I can not listen to the sniveling anymore because that is not constructive to ushering waves of Love and Oneness. I have done my forgiveness lists around this repeatedly this week...My attitude from the week prior seems to have shifted considerably. I will now set my intention for more people who want to actually do something to manifest into my life...or to at least step up to the plate.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Identity...Me
Sleep barely happened last night. I laid down feeling exhausted, drained, used up like an empty cell. Well worn out. Usually I go cold when I'm like that - but last night I was over heating. The time spent sleeping felt short somehow. I woke up over and over with thoughts coming into my mind in circles...over and over. I would shut them off, breathe, center, and stay there...to only awake again with the same thoughts circulating in my mind again. It was frustrating to me. Aggravating.
It's not like I wanted to go to sleep. Maybe I felt like I had to cause I was slumped, physically, sort of drained. I'm a little resentful of having to sleep anyway...lately it's seemed so pointless to me. It's the systems that need the sleep - not ME! And when I do have to go to sleep I am always awakened. If it's not the thoughts it's usually the voices whispering directives to me always with sharp Ssss's. So what is the point, really?
Around 11AM I had some time alone with the companion animals. We were on the sectional together and I sat to do 1234-breathing. I started to feel aware of a sensation I probably can't describe adequately - it was me, my essence lifting out of the cell I have for almost 31 years identified myself to be. As I was feeling this lifting-like sensation the mind wanted to explain it to me and pull me away from it. I took my breath more deeply into the cell and kept breathing 1234. My animals noticed this and they were both looking at my body. I was looking at them but my perspective was not from the eyes in the sockets of my body's head. My vision was more complete and from what I would describe to be higher in elevation...something like that. Words are boxing in and narrowing down what I experienced so I will stop thinking of how to describe it now.
I felt so fine there. Almost an everywhere-type feeling.
My understanding of me as one came clear-er for those 'moments.' I feel less identified with this earth suit than before...maybe it's just the byproduct of starved systems in me. Maybe - maybe not. I don't know and I don't have to know because it doesn't matter.
I came off the edge I have identified myself to be. I think that started to come about when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. That is when I was beginning to notice how different I was from my family and people around me. And when I noticed (before I knew what rejection meant) how deeply I rejected life's prescriptions...how to be's...definitions. I didn't identify ME with those things...and in retrospect I see that is when I identified myself as the one outside of it all. I believe that is when I might have compartmentalized myself.
It's ironic...until just now as I'm digging in there to recall this all - I somehow never took responsibility for me allowing myself to isolate myself, in thoughts. Prior to *that* moment, I have remembered this as something my parents just did to me...or something that others did to me. That's not it, though. It's always been me.
I've been going back and forth regarding a perceived need for support in my process...but I hadn't taken into account that it's always been ME who has isolated ME - and therefore it's only ME I should need to depend on to overcome yearning to feel connected to others. - Rather than feeling like I needed the acceptance or whatever else from others to correct that self-doubt, self-judgement, etc...
Wow...that just really came clear.
I'm changing the name of this blog now. - For today's understanding, insight into me not as the edge, an individual, but as one becoming one.
It's not like I wanted to go to sleep. Maybe I felt like I had to cause I was slumped, physically, sort of drained. I'm a little resentful of having to sleep anyway...lately it's seemed so pointless to me. It's the systems that need the sleep - not ME! And when I do have to go to sleep I am always awakened. If it's not the thoughts it's usually the voices whispering directives to me always with sharp Ssss's. So what is the point, really?
Around 11AM I had some time alone with the companion animals. We were on the sectional together and I sat to do 1234-breathing. I started to feel aware of a sensation I probably can't describe adequately - it was me, my essence lifting out of the cell I have for almost 31 years identified myself to be. As I was feeling this lifting-like sensation the mind wanted to explain it to me and pull me away from it. I took my breath more deeply into the cell and kept breathing 1234. My animals noticed this and they were both looking at my body. I was looking at them but my perspective was not from the eyes in the sockets of my body's head. My vision was more complete and from what I would describe to be higher in elevation...something like that. Words are boxing in and narrowing down what I experienced so I will stop thinking of how to describe it now.
I felt so fine there. Almost an everywhere-type feeling.
My understanding of me as one came clear-er for those 'moments.' I feel less identified with this earth suit than before...maybe it's just the byproduct of starved systems in me. Maybe - maybe not. I don't know and I don't have to know because it doesn't matter.
I came off the edge I have identified myself to be. I think that started to come about when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. That is when I was beginning to notice how different I was from my family and people around me. And when I noticed (before I knew what rejection meant) how deeply I rejected life's prescriptions...how to be's...definitions. I didn't identify ME with those things...and in retrospect I see that is when I identified myself as the one outside of it all. I believe that is when I might have compartmentalized myself.
It's ironic...until just now as I'm digging in there to recall this all - I somehow never took responsibility for me allowing myself to isolate myself, in thoughts. Prior to *that* moment, I have remembered this as something my parents just did to me...or something that others did to me. That's not it, though. It's always been me.
I've been going back and forth regarding a perceived need for support in my process...but I hadn't taken into account that it's always been ME who has isolated ME - and therefore it's only ME I should need to depend on to overcome yearning to feel connected to others. - Rather than feeling like I needed the acceptance or whatever else from others to correct that self-doubt, self-judgement, etc...
Wow...that just really came clear.
I'm changing the name of this blog now. - For today's understanding, insight into me not as the edge, an individual, but as one becoming one.
Friday, January 25, 2008
To Tap On
Today has been a struggle for me. I have been quarrelling with myself. I don't know what it is that is agitating me so much...not specifically. I felt fine after my realization earlier (the allergy thing).
It all went to shit.
I was sitting peacefully, getting ready to do some research for work and was constantly interrupted - text messages, phone ringing, emails...over and over. I got so angry as I was trying to be present in the moment but was suffering from constant distractions coming from many directions. I realize that I'm not the most patient person. I am trying to be patient with myself in my process but it feels difficult to me right now.
I'm aware that the people who are around me are quite aware when I'm going through something like this because it's all over me. And I do not like it when my silence or my refusal to respond to every little changing detail in those around me is regarded as a foul attitude toward them. It's so aggravating.
I know I'm also prone to many times not speaking a word...sometimes I don't have much to say. I will quietly observe until I have something to say. I suppose in ways this is my way of shutting off the robot in me that wants to think and analyze what another person is doing and then give an opinion on it. Why do I need to have a damned opinion about everything? - or anything for that matter.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be aggravated by bullshit that doesn't even matter in this life.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not be patient with myself as I am being ME.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge who I am based on other's expectations of ME.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge who I am when others don't understand me.
I am going to do some tapping on this tonight and get some rest.
It all went to shit.
I was sitting peacefully, getting ready to do some research for work and was constantly interrupted - text messages, phone ringing, emails...over and over. I got so angry as I was trying to be present in the moment but was suffering from constant distractions coming from many directions. I realize that I'm not the most patient person. I am trying to be patient with myself in my process but it feels difficult to me right now.
I'm aware that the people who are around me are quite aware when I'm going through something like this because it's all over me. And I do not like it when my silence or my refusal to respond to every little changing detail in those around me is regarded as a foul attitude toward them. It's so aggravating.
I know I'm also prone to many times not speaking a word...sometimes I don't have much to say. I will quietly observe until I have something to say. I suppose in ways this is my way of shutting off the robot in me that wants to think and analyze what another person is doing and then give an opinion on it. Why do I need to have a damned opinion about everything? - or anything for that matter.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be aggravated by bullshit that doesn't even matter in this life.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not be patient with myself as I am being ME.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge who I am based on other's expectations of ME.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge who I am when others don't understand me.
I am going to do some tapping on this tonight and get some rest.
Deprogramming Allergies
I woke up mildly irritated. I have been feeling a lot of allergy sympotms this week. I know that the general consensus around here in my local area is that it's "normal" due to the "weather" here in Colorado...or the massive amounts of junk sprayed on us (i.e. chemtrails) There have been so many times that someone has said to me, "Well what do you expect when you live in Colorado?" or "Oh yeah, I know what you're going through. Ever since I moved to Colorado mine have been pretty bad."
When it gets really bad I have to pay special attention to how I act/react. I'm not typically the person to run and get drugs for things. But when I'm sneezing incessantly and can't see or think straight, I tend to feel like I'm coming unglued. I admit that I've turned to the fast acting allergy pills that dissolve on the tongue for that "instant relief."
This morning was different! I tried something I never thought of doing. I receive emails from Daily OM - and they're typically very good little insights to keep in mind during the day. (I recommend checking them out if you feel so compelled.) Today's was quite helpful to me because it put life, system experiences, and my breathing into a new perspective. The title of the email was "Gathering Our Straying Thoughts."
The lightbulb went off! I knew that as unlikely a time as it seemed for me to try 1234-breathing that that was precisely what I should be doing...so after sneezing 4 times back to back, I internally spoke to myself and took a few deep breaths to center myself. I was amazed as I was doing it because typically after sneezing the way I had been all morning it would seem impossible to do 1234-breathing - normally I'm interrupted by more sneezing fits. But it's been a few hours since that happened and I haven't sneezed once.
So...I feel like another veil has been lifted from over me. I am constantly impressed/surprised/maybe even a little shocked at how much bs I've 1.) been fed to believe - 2.) allowed myself to believe - and 3.) never bothered to test/question/analyze/etc -- it's truly no wonder why/how the world we live in is so majorly fucked right now.
So...as I should have deduced this far along in conclusions to the question: What is Allergy? and: What are Allergies? - it's all systems. I refuse to allow myself to feel powerless to this design. Til here no further!!
My forgiveness list was something to this extent:
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that I am powerless to things like allergies.
I forgive myself for putting myself through the agony of suffering the symptoms of allergies.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe the lies that the world and people have told me.
I forgive this world and it's people for the lies they spread.
In aggregate, I'm quite grateful for this experience. I'm humbly awed at the human symptoms we each face - and watching some of these symptoms dissolve is fascinating and liberating. I am earnest to remove more layers as I learn to experience myself completely, consistently, as one, as equal with all other beings.
When it gets really bad I have to pay special attention to how I act/react. I'm not typically the person to run and get drugs for things. But when I'm sneezing incessantly and can't see or think straight, I tend to feel like I'm coming unglued. I admit that I've turned to the fast acting allergy pills that dissolve on the tongue for that "instant relief."
This morning was different! I tried something I never thought of doing. I receive emails from Daily OM - and they're typically very good little insights to keep in mind during the day. (I recommend checking them out if you feel so compelled.) Today's was quite helpful to me because it put life, system experiences, and my breathing into a new perspective. The title of the email was "Gathering Our Straying Thoughts."
The lightbulb went off! I knew that as unlikely a time as it seemed for me to try 1234-breathing that that was precisely what I should be doing...so after sneezing 4 times back to back, I internally spoke to myself and took a few deep breaths to center myself. I was amazed as I was doing it because typically after sneezing the way I had been all morning it would seem impossible to do 1234-breathing - normally I'm interrupted by more sneezing fits. But it's been a few hours since that happened and I haven't sneezed once.
So...I feel like another veil has been lifted from over me. I am constantly impressed/surprised/maybe even a little shocked at how much bs I've 1.) been fed to believe - 2.) allowed myself to believe - and 3.) never bothered to test/question/analyze/etc -- it's truly no wonder why/how the world we live in is so majorly fucked right now.
So...as I should have deduced this far along in conclusions to the question: What is Allergy? and: What are Allergies? - it's all systems. I refuse to allow myself to feel powerless to this design. Til here no further!!
My forgiveness list was something to this extent:
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that I am powerless to things like allergies.
I forgive myself for putting myself through the agony of suffering the symptoms of allergies.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe the lies that the world and people have told me.
I forgive this world and it's people for the lies they spread.
In aggregate, I'm quite grateful for this experience. I'm humbly awed at the human symptoms we each face - and watching some of these symptoms dissolve is fascinating and liberating. I am earnest to remove more layers as I learn to experience myself completely, consistently, as one, as equal with all other beings.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
No guilt
I lost track way early today. My intention was to attempt 1234-breathing (an exercise outlined by Desteni) for 15 min, no thoughts, just breathing..............................................
Not so successful with that today.
I had a happy tune pingponging in my brain and before I knew it I was dancing barefoot in the room with my ipod and my puppy.
I feel content with that right now. My little voice warned me I would feel guilty for not trying harder with the breathing...but I don't. I feel very fine and happy. I realized for the time I was dancing with my puppy that this moment was a tremendously happy expression of me as one in that moment, MUSIC and DANCING and ALL! I was present in that moment, not distracted as I suspected.
Maybe it is that at times life and my process seem to be so serious...I feel that levity doesn't have to be without earnest. Now I understand that.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe confining thoughts about my process.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe I had to feel guilt for not being earnest in my process.
I forgive myself for previously not allowing myself to express the joy I have inside as I experience myself as ME as equal - as ONEness.
Not so successful with that today.
I had a happy tune pingponging in my brain and before I knew it I was dancing barefoot in the room with my ipod and my puppy.
I feel content with that right now. My little voice warned me I would feel guilty for not trying harder with the breathing...but I don't. I feel very fine and happy. I realized for the time I was dancing with my puppy that this moment was a tremendously happy expression of me as one in that moment, MUSIC and DANCING and ALL! I was present in that moment, not distracted as I suspected.
Maybe it is that at times life and my process seem to be so serious...I feel that levity doesn't have to be without earnest. Now I understand that.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe confining thoughts about my process.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe I had to feel guilt for not being earnest in my process.
I forgive myself for previously not allowing myself to express the joy I have inside as I experience myself as ME as equal - as ONEness.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Children
I hadn't posted on here in quite some time until today. Sometimes I don't have much to say about what I am experiencing. But I felt compelled to say something today, as I awoke in the same fashion I have been recently experiencing with the voice whispering to me directives. As I came on to blog the last entry, I found my eyes on a previous blog I'd written about my niece's birthday.................
I believe I understand why now I have not had a child. I must say that my sentiments have changed since I wrote that blog. It's interesting how as I become more self aware that I do not feel like I want to have a child.
This past few years - through a few different self challenges I've taken on via qi gong, introspective time spent questioning my motivations, learning Kabbalah, practicing forgiveness as outlined by ACIM & Desteni-Universe, and some other things - I've found that I've been, in a sense, parenting myself, in ways...or rather in some ways, unwinding the ways I've been parented by the world...and unwinding the way I have allowed myself to think/believe that I am based on how I have grown up...the more I do this the less I have felt compelled and desiring of children of my own.
Interesting.
There is a long road ahead of me in this process, as I catch myself (many times) each day on a stumbling block of worldly indoctrinated thinking and/or fear-based thinking...now mind you, this is only what I catch myself participating in...so I'm led to believe there are many deep layers of this. Qi gong helped with this to an extent...it is another story why I haven't been pursuing that fervently as of late...but that might be saved for another blog. I thought I had eliminated fear as a motivation in my life to a larger degree - but as I peel back these onion layers of myself I see it goes deeper.
I'm beginning to understand more of why I am the way I am now...and I see (in terms of how I have made personal changes in the past 4 years...or a little over) how far I have come. I understand why I do not feel I will birth a child for the sake of having children...and I understand more why other people feel the need to do that...as well as how they disguise the fear behind layers which motivate them to have the children they bring forth.
Now I get to the place where I instinctively judge that motivation...and judge that act...and I must forgive myself for my judgement. I have to forgive myself for acting emotionally and feeling frustrated by others motivations in life based in fear. I have to forgive myself for recognizing that judgement in myself for my own past actions based in fear as a motivator.
I am thankful I have not had children...and I'm thankful that I have not passed down my prior misunderstandings to a child who would have to sort his/her way out of those entanglements. I am grateful that by learning to forgive myself of these things I will continue to be a more responsible citizen and steward of this earth. I am grateful that the choices that I am making in life will have less damaging effects on others.
I believe I understand why now I have not had a child. I must say that my sentiments have changed since I wrote that blog. It's interesting how as I become more self aware that I do not feel like I want to have a child.
This past few years - through a few different self challenges I've taken on via qi gong, introspective time spent questioning my motivations, learning Kabbalah, practicing forgiveness as outlined by ACIM & Desteni-Universe, and some other things - I've found that I've been, in a sense, parenting myself, in ways...or rather in some ways, unwinding the ways I've been parented by the world...and unwinding the way I have allowed myself to think/believe that I am based on how I have grown up...the more I do this the less I have felt compelled and desiring of children of my own.
Interesting.
There is a long road ahead of me in this process, as I catch myself (many times) each day on a stumbling block of worldly indoctrinated thinking and/or fear-based thinking...now mind you, this is only what I catch myself participating in...so I'm led to believe there are many deep layers of this. Qi gong helped with this to an extent...it is another story why I haven't been pursuing that fervently as of late...but that might be saved for another blog. I thought I had eliminated fear as a motivation in my life to a larger degree - but as I peel back these onion layers of myself I see it goes deeper.
I'm beginning to understand more of why I am the way I am now...and I see (in terms of how I have made personal changes in the past 4 years...or a little over) how far I have come. I understand why I do not feel I will birth a child for the sake of having children...and I understand more why other people feel the need to do that...as well as how they disguise the fear behind layers which motivate them to have the children they bring forth.
Now I get to the place where I instinctively judge that motivation...and judge that act...and I must forgive myself for my judgement. I have to forgive myself for acting emotionally and feeling frustrated by others motivations in life based in fear. I have to forgive myself for recognizing that judgement in myself for my own past actions based in fear as a motivator.
I am thankful I have not had children...and I'm thankful that I have not passed down my prior misunderstandings to a child who would have to sort his/her way out of those entanglements. I am grateful that by learning to forgive myself of these things I will continue to be a more responsible citizen and steward of this earth. I am grateful that the choices that I am making in life will have less damaging effects on others.
Politics & Exploits
What is it about politics?
I used to never consider myself to be political. And in many regards I still feel that way. - though I find myself taking sides. The frustrating point to it all is that they are all sides of the same system. I don't like investing myself too much into these systems because I see, ultimately, that they are all tools for the same puppetry. I do not like being frustrated by things like this. I find it quite frustrating and then have to stop myself and forgive my acceptance of this frustration...forgive myself for buying into the political system.
On another level, I believe there is something to be said for people who see beyond the thin veil of disinformation - and being involved with/in systems for the purpose of dismantling the programs.
I have had to arrive at that thought as I've questioned why I've been waking to hear voices telling me to get involved in politics. I would not typically give myself so much credit as to assume that I would be suited to a role in politics. Desteni has done this with other systems and in ways this inspires me to consider the possibilities here within our current global political structures.
I have had some thoughts regarding this over the past several months which have been discussed in my local small circle of trusted collaborators. My feeling (oversimplified) is that the machine to mobilize this will inevitably be the all mighty money system. I have a few ideas as to how it could unfold...no details to share on this blog at this time as the idea is still yet a seed. However, I do challenge any other readers of this blog to think along this same thread for ideas which come forward. It would be a pleasure to speak to other minds with ideas on this subject.
I would like to detail my exploit of money for this purpose at a later time...for now I rest with my thought.
I used to never consider myself to be political. And in many regards I still feel that way. - though I find myself taking sides. The frustrating point to it all is that they are all sides of the same system. I don't like investing myself too much into these systems because I see, ultimately, that they are all tools for the same puppetry. I do not like being frustrated by things like this. I find it quite frustrating and then have to stop myself and forgive my acceptance of this frustration...forgive myself for buying into the political system.
On another level, I believe there is something to be said for people who see beyond the thin veil of disinformation - and being involved with/in systems for the purpose of dismantling the programs.
I have had to arrive at that thought as I've questioned why I've been waking to hear voices telling me to get involved in politics. I would not typically give myself so much credit as to assume that I would be suited to a role in politics. Desteni has done this with other systems and in ways this inspires me to consider the possibilities here within our current global political structures.
I have had some thoughts regarding this over the past several months which have been discussed in my local small circle of trusted collaborators. My feeling (oversimplified) is that the machine to mobilize this will inevitably be the all mighty money system. I have a few ideas as to how it could unfold...no details to share on this blog at this time as the idea is still yet a seed. However, I do challenge any other readers of this blog to think along this same thread for ideas which come forward. It would be a pleasure to speak to other minds with ideas on this subject.
I would like to detail my exploit of money for this purpose at a later time...for now I rest with my thought.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Kitcheri and Electromagnetic Radiation
[Mood] cheerful [Music] You And Your Friend: Snake River Conspiracy
It feels like a long time since I have blogged about anything. I reckon that's because I've been quite busy with life and my PK preparations.
Incidentally, I threw out my back on Friday. It was really awful...new ad had just launched in USA Today, gobs of phone calls were coming in...and my brother and sister-in-law had phoned me cause they were stuck without a babysitter. So, instead of allowing one of them to take the day off so they could be with their kids, I said I'd babysit. (NOTE: I don't always make the best decisions for MYSELF in situations like these.) My excuse to Self about why I should watch the kids is that I don't get to see them as often as I'd like. I didn't get anything done with work, as I was attempting to be "present" as much as possible (which is quite necessary when you're watching a baby who just learned to stand up on her own and a 3 1/2 year old).
I should mention that it is a monumental waste of my money and effort when I'm not immediately in touch with my incoming lead traffic. This was irking me the entire day. The upside was that I was enjoying the company of my nieces a lot. The baby is a handfull...she's at that co-dependent stage where she requires constant contact to avoid a tantrum. My sister-in-law just laughs at me cause she thinks I'm a sucker. I suppose everyone else lets her just sulk there and cry a bit til she stops (instead of carrying her everywhere like I do). At one point, I'm sure I just stood wrong when I lifted her (she's a heavy little thing) and something came out of alignment in my lumbar area. I've been absolutely fucking miserable all weekend.
Anyway...I should tell about my amazing dream 2 nights ago where the divine was channeled into me as I was giving a lecture to my Qi Gong students in NYC. Interestingly enough, not only did I feel the Golden white light enter me in the dream, but also when I awoke, it was as if particles remained inside me. And my back has been fine ever since.
My PK preparations are getting more rigorous. I will be eliminating just about everything from my diet in a couple of days, except for barley kitcheri. All I can eat for the upcoming week is barley and mung beans, and 2 special blends of herbal tea (who's purposes are 1.) to make me sweat, 2.) to rehydrate me). Fun stuff.
What's even more fun is the aftercare portion of things. I will only be allowed to add some vegetables back to my diet the week after the PK treatments. Everything except for the nightshades: tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, or eggplants. After that week, I can add back the nightshades...and then slowly incorporate back in the "allergens" such as wheat, corn, animal by-products, animal fleshes, and eventually non-naturally-occuring sugars, caffeine, and alcohol. Wow. I hope I do this correctly. There are so many stages involved. I think I'm defintely racking up some good personal karma points for taking care of myself in this way.
I've also been instructed by Alakananda Ma (head of the Alandi Ashram, where I'm consulting for my panchakarma) that I'm not to do any air travel for the 30 days surrounding the days of my treatments. I was previously unaware of this and was planning to make a quick trip down to Austin to see some old friends and spend some time with the Master of my Qi Gong school. It appears that this is not going to be happening. I've been instructed to stay away from electromagnetic radiation as much as possible.
Okay, that's all I have for now.
It feels like a long time since I have blogged about anything. I reckon that's because I've been quite busy with life and my PK preparations.
Incidentally, I threw out my back on Friday. It was really awful...new ad had just launched in USA Today, gobs of phone calls were coming in...and my brother and sister-in-law had phoned me cause they were stuck without a babysitter. So, instead of allowing one of them to take the day off so they could be with their kids, I said I'd babysit. (NOTE: I don't always make the best decisions for MYSELF in situations like these.) My excuse to Self about why I should watch the kids is that I don't get to see them as often as I'd like. I didn't get anything done with work, as I was attempting to be "present" as much as possible (which is quite necessary when you're watching a baby who just learned to stand up on her own and a 3 1/2 year old).
I should mention that it is a monumental waste of my money and effort when I'm not immediately in touch with my incoming lead traffic. This was irking me the entire day. The upside was that I was enjoying the company of my nieces a lot. The baby is a handfull...she's at that co-dependent stage where she requires constant contact to avoid a tantrum. My sister-in-law just laughs at me cause she thinks I'm a sucker. I suppose everyone else lets her just sulk there and cry a bit til she stops (instead of carrying her everywhere like I do). At one point, I'm sure I just stood wrong when I lifted her (she's a heavy little thing) and something came out of alignment in my lumbar area. I've been absolutely fucking miserable all weekend.
Anyway...I should tell about my amazing dream 2 nights ago where the divine was channeled into me as I was giving a lecture to my Qi Gong students in NYC. Interestingly enough, not only did I feel the Golden white light enter me in the dream, but also when I awoke, it was as if particles remained inside me. And my back has been fine ever since.
My PK preparations are getting more rigorous. I will be eliminating just about everything from my diet in a couple of days, except for barley kitcheri. All I can eat for the upcoming week is barley and mung beans, and 2 special blends of herbal tea (who's purposes are 1.) to make me sweat, 2.) to rehydrate me). Fun stuff.
What's even more fun is the aftercare portion of things. I will only be allowed to add some vegetables back to my diet the week after the PK treatments. Everything except for the nightshades: tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, or eggplants. After that week, I can add back the nightshades...and then slowly incorporate back in the "allergens" such as wheat, corn, animal by-products, animal fleshes, and eventually non-naturally-occuring sugars, caffeine, and alcohol. Wow. I hope I do this correctly. There are so many stages involved. I think I'm defintely racking up some good personal karma points for taking care of myself in this way.
I've also been instructed by Alakananda Ma (head of the Alandi Ashram, where I'm consulting for my panchakarma) that I'm not to do any air travel for the 30 days surrounding the days of my treatments. I was previously unaware of this and was planning to make a quick trip down to Austin to see some old friends and spend some time with the Master of my Qi Gong school. It appears that this is not going to be happening. I've been instructed to stay away from electromagnetic radiation as much as possible.
Okay, that's all I have for now.
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